I generally don’t like talk about my depression etc. as half of the first world is eating up meds like no tomorrow so it’s nothing new and generally not particularly intersting to anyone else. No-one wants to hear emo rants. However if you came here to read about my art, animation or film this is part of it so read on.

This week has been interesting to say the least. I’m just coming off the anti-deppression meds i’ve been on for 3.5 years and i think i’ve just gotten over the withdrawal hump. It’s been hard to work as i’ve been sitting in a chair drooling on myself and trying to get myself to raise my arms to the keyboard. I’m feeling very odd to say the least but i’m feeling GOOD and the brain fog is finally starting to clear.

Why was i on meds i hear you ask? Well for a combination of reasons. Genetic disposition to the black dog being a main one i suspect. Also back in my teen years I used to live in a small town in the country. All in all my life should have been great but i felt like shit. I felt trapped and i wasn’t dealing with it very well. I guess it’s where my art began. As you probably know, creating things gives meaning to my life. Some peeps have got religion(which i’ve never cared much for), some peeps like my brother have gardening and growing plants; i’ve got animation, creating worlds and stories.

The meds were pretty good to begin with, I felt (kind of) better, got on with my life, partied, drank, finished high school and worked a job so i could afford to go to art school. But now i’m here i have found the medication holding me back in several areas.

The first being that my interests started to become more bland. I used to watch hundreds and hundreds of hours of insanely interesting footage, exploring content and researching new things to watch, read, listen to and look at. I’d say that was because my feelings and emotions were being held back a fair bit. You know that feeling you get in a dark room by yourself, watching a new great cult film you’ve dug out of some crevice on the net, from the bottom of your guts you are on fire because the film is making you FEEL? Well this stopped happening very often. You need to FEEL to create great work. And now my technical skills are improving I have to improve in other areas also. In 20 years from now I want some kid sitting in a dark room watching my stuff have his guts burn with passion and feeling.

I found social interaction, talking to girls and normal people a lot easier on meds. Actually a lot of things are easier on meds, but it’ll only postpone the shit that’s going on deep down in your mind. And you’ll have to deal with it sooner or later. If problems rise to the surface i’ll deal with it through art and perhaps some intense belly gazing. So it will be interesting to see how my animations and art evolve over the next year, if there will be massive positive or negative changes or if it won’t change drastically at all.

 

Anyway enough of the rant. I’ll have the newest animation for you TOMORROW i promise, even if i have to work allll night.

 

-PERM

 

ps. here’s some QOTSA woo desert stoner metal!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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